Surrounded by Poo!

Scenario:

We get home from the family movie festival (free movies three times a week at Regal Cinemas - google it). It's noon. Daniel has not been to sleep yet. Apparently, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" was more interesting than whatever played last week (I don't remember what it was so apparently it really wasn't that interesting). I'm hungry. I go to start lunch. Cube steak. Why am I so ambitious? I'm not sure. Should've stuck to cereal.

Then I hear Jeremy say, "My tummy hurts".

Crud. "Do you need to go poopy honey?"

Jeremy: "Yeah".

Jeremy gone for several minutes.

Then he comes to the door. "Mommy, I need you to hold my hands."

I should probably thank Gammy for this.

So we have to shut Daniel out (he actually requested to hold Daniel's hands after I got in there but I nixed that idea) because he likes to try to play in the toilet while Jeremy poops. Daniel is banging on the bathroom door while voicing his dislike of being shut out of the action.

Why, do you ask, must you hold his hands while he poops? Well, apparently it helps him go.

So after a long wait, he looks up and says, "Mommy - there's poopy on that towel".

Mommy: "How did it get there?"

Jeremy: "I don't know!"

Mommy: "Did you get some on your hand and wipe it there?"

Jeremy: "No!"

Mommy: "Well, how did it get there?"

Jeremy: "It came from my bottom."

I just stopped asking questions. I mean, who cares? The poops there, I have to clean it now. Poop in the toilet, poop on the towel, bathroom smells like poop, I feel like I'm going to throw up but am sitting there holding my toddlers hands while he tries to go.

And finally I give up.

Mommy: "Mommy has to go finish cooking lunch. Hold the airplane (a bath toy) instead of my hand."

I leave. Jeremy comes out a few minutes later "Tada!".

I go to help him wipe.

The airplane is wet.

Me: "Why is the airplane wet?"

Jeremy: "I need to wash it."

Me: "You already washed it in the sink?"

J: "Noooooooo"

Me: "In the bathtub?"

J: "Nooooooo"

Me: "Why is it wet?"

J: "It fell in the toilet."

The toilet still filled with poo. Which means he fished it out of the toilet. And I have it in my hand. Still wet. Bleh!!!!!!!!!!