A Day in the Life

Most of you know Laurina had umbilical hernia surgery Wednesday this week. She is limited to no heavy lifting (15 lbs) for 2 weeks, which makes me (Daddy) Mr. Mom starting Friday. The boys were away with Pa and Grandma and then David and Michelle until Thursday night. I had this great idea to do a blog here to give everyone a novice’s experience of one entire day in the life of Laurina and this is what transpired…

First a little background on what I thought the day would be like. If you know me at all it should come as not surprise, that I had the whole day planned to minimize catastrophic events. I had a pancake breakfast planned (the kids love pancakes) with the ingredients already measured out and waiting on us. I already had hamburger browned to make spaghettiandhomemade pizza for lunch and dinner. I had the house clean, and I was ready foranything, or so I thought.

I decided the day would start when I went to bed Thursday night. After all, part of her job is handling nighttime “events”. I climbed into bed around 9pm wanting to ensure a full night of sleep and hopefully get an early jumpstart on my day. Allie got up twice before 10pm, so much for an early bedtime. I was startled from slumber at 11:30, 2:30, and 5:30. The kids proceeded to rouse for good at 7:15. While 10-7:15 may seem like a long time to sleep, when none of you intervals is more than three hours, it doesn’t seem so long.

Apology #1: Laurina, I am sorry for running you out of the bed on weekends, I nowfullyunderstand what it feels like to not get long blocks of sleep. You have my permission to slap me the next time I try to wake you before you want to get out of the bed on a weekend!

I grabbed a shower, a very quick shower, as J and D were up but not yet downstairs and prayed Armageddon would not be unleashed while I was in the shower. Shower over, nothing crazy happened. Breakfast goes off without a hitch. I even have time to clean the kitchen back up and unload the dishwasher. This is going splendidly!

The rest of the morning looked like this:

Children clothed, Check!

Play with the kids for half hour, before putting Allie down for her nap, Check!

Allie goes down for her 1^st nap, Check!

As a matter of fact things are going so great, I snap these pictures of my super cute kids.

Quote of the morningfrom Jeremy: “Daddy, Idon’t want these pants, I don’t like pants with dirt on them or holes in them.” Keep in mind that 95% of our clothes are hand me downs and many of them have been through two or more children.

For the first time, the train begins to veer slightly off the track. Jeremy and Daniel got new Scooby Doo toothbrushes that came with a Scooby Doo DVD. They are upstairs in the bonus room watching the DVD and I let Daniel carry his toothbrush with him (what an amateur mistake). Of course, this causes all kinds of issues. Jeremy sprints to the bathroom, to grab every available toothbrush and flaunt them in front of Daniel. I’m standing downstairs and telling Jeremy to “stop, don’t run, Allie is asleep.” This causes him to pause for a split second in the bathroom, but does not deter him from his planned scheme of making Daniel jealous of all of the toothbrushes he has acquired. As I am saying, “stop, now!” in a slightly raised voice he turns the corner of the bathroom door, only he doesn’t know that Daniel is barreling down the hallway at full force. They meet, face first at the intersection of the hallway and the bathroom. Seriously! I have you guys for one stinking morning and you are going to pull a “three stooges” on me? Jeremy’s nose bleeds just a little and I spend the next 20 minutes consoling my two boys in the rocking chair. Allie slept through this, so that was a positive. However this does lead to me unleashing my favorite daddy quote to Jeremy, “Jeremy, what did I tell you to do?” J “stop.” Daddy “and what didn’t you do?” J “stop.” Daddy “and did you get hurt?” J “yes.” Daddy “so what did we learn?” J “If we don’t listen to daddy we get hurt.” Daddy “that’s right son, if don’t listen to daddy we get hurt.”

Allie wakes up so I start getting lunch ready. We have to go to the grocery store and bank and I need to do both before Daniel or Allie get too tired. I am “cooking” (also known as reheating food Gammy and Grandma had previously made for us) when I hear a crash/boom/bang. Yes, Daniel has fallen down the stairs. The kid is having a rough morning, between running into his brother and falling down the stairs, I’m pretty sure his concussion count is at two. Seriously, is this normal around here?!?

Lunch goes off without a hitch, we get to the bank and… They are closed to observe the New Year’s Day holiday! On New Year’s Eve! Oh how wonderful, at least I didn’t drag all three kids out of the car and put Allie in the stroller… oh wait… never mind, yes I did and that was so nice of you, Miss, to not tell me the bank was closed as I was dragging all three of my children out of the car and you quickly got in your car and sped away. No matter, to the grocery store, where Jeremy tells me 15 times, “it doesn’t take mommy this long to drive to the grocery store.” Seriously, kid if the Garmin didn’t take 10 minutes to restart and could actually find Harris Teeter by name without me having to type in the address, maybe I could find it a little faster! Grocery store over and done, with a big assist from Ms Bonnie our home shopping extraordinaire. Thank goodness for online shopping at Harris Teeter. If you read this blog any amount of time and have heard the stories birthed from the Harris Teeter bathrooms, you know there is no way this dad is stepping foot inside that store by himself with all three kiddos. We get home, do naps for D and A, and I play Wii with Jeremy. The day has had a few bumps but right now is an unmitigated success. The house is clean, kids are napping, life is good.

Fast-forward to 4:00, apparently this is the time the train comes completely off the tracks. Laurina is feeling bad. Thinks she might throw up and needs me to call the doctor. He warned us that vomiting would be insanely painful. So I call the doctor. I get the great message that they are closed to observe the New Year’s holiday (just like the bank) only its still December 31. They do give two alternate emergency numbers. Laurina looks horrible. She asked for something to vomit in and I bring her the bathroom trashcan. As Jeremy repeatedly sticks his head in the room and whines about the “jeep race” he wants to have with the neighbors, I threaten him repeatedly to stay out, because mommy is sick and daddy really needs to talk to the doctor. Of course I might as well be talking to the wind. Jeremy keeps sticking his head in with quotes like, “Daddy, Austin and Lucas are outside!!! I walked upstairs and I can see them from the window! We need to have the jeep race right now!” Daniel and Allie have started crying and whining. It takes me a good thirty minutes to get a doctor on the phone between holding and calling the wrong numbers. I also talked to my mother in law several times during this sequence and she asked me how everything was and I describe the current scene at my house as “stupid”. Sorry Gammy, at this point in time I was not functioning properly. During this time, I did have this thought: If I throw Jeremy into the wall the next time he opens this bedroom door, I can call 911 and when they come to check out Jeremy, they can check on Laurina! Only I’m not a horrible parent, so I decide tossing my four year old against a wall is a bad life decision. By this time Laurina has thrown up and asked me to “dispose of the vomit”. I take it outside and I have very queasy stomach when it comes to vomit. I throw hers over the deck and gag a little myself for good measure (hey, I told you I was queasy). Finally after consulting with Laurina and the doctor we decide that she is feeling better and we will wait it out.

Apology #2: I now understand completely that sometimes you can’t answer the phone when I call and sometimes you have to hang up immediately. I will never feel slighted by either of those things again.

I take the kids outside, because their level of loud is much less intense when not reverberating off walls and hard wood floors. Jeremy and Daniel get to play with kids down the street and everything seems to be going better… only I made the cardinal sin; I have now missed the dinner time window. We walk in the house and I start throwing the pizza together only Allie is screaming her head off. I put her in her seat and start feeding her, but between every bite of food and sip of milk, she screams even more. I finally get the pizza ready and prepare to feed the boys. Allie is still screaming so I take her to the living room and figure I’ll eat a couple super quick pieces of pizza while she screams. I scarf them down in 3.7 seconds and grab her cup and over the next 10 minutes finally get Allie to stop crying. Our train was so off track it was teetering over the edge of a cliff. You know in the cartoons where if one person moves the wrong way, it hurdles over and everyone dies? Jeremy moves the wrong way. Jeremy: “Daddy, I think I had an accident.” Me (in a very low whisper as Allie just stopped screaming): “Did you spill your milk?” Jeremy (starting to cry uncontrollably: “No, I peed in my pants!” Me: “You did WHAT? Jeremy that is highly unacceptable!” (I don’t think I’m winning the compassionate father of the year award with that statement) After saying that, of course, Jeremy completely melts down. Now Allie is crying uncontrollably again and I am dealing with a four year old who NEVER has accidents who has peed all over himself.

Eventually I did regain control. The kids went to bed. I lived to fight another day. All this is to say, this is the first day I had the kids all on my lonesome all day long. This wasn’t a particularly tough or eventful day. This was just a normal day. And all this stuff happened. I have always had so much respect for what Laurina does, but now I definitely have a new appreciation for it. I used to wonder where she got such good blog stories from, but now, I don’t have to wonder. So here’s to you all who have stayed, are staying or plan to stay home with your kids. I salute you, you are unbelievable people who are vastly under-appreciated. If anyone doubts that, just let them live a day in your life.