A trip to the grocery store with Laurina

Start by blowing your healthy food diet (that you've been on for a week and a half) and stopping by Bojangles. Get a cajun filet biscuit, french fries, and a tea. This will become important later in the story...














The boys getting some healthy food picnic style


Next, pull into the parking lot. Give a vicious stare to the 18 year old that just took the closest spot and contemplate rolling down your window and politely (yeah right) telling him that you have a 1 year old and a five week old in your van and would appreciate next time him walking from the back of the lot instead of you. :) Instead, park beside one of those cart return thingies so you can put one of the kids, your coupon binder (which you will not end up using because, Lord have mercy!, you have enough going on without going through the binder), your wallet, and your phone directly into a cart to help you get in the door. While you are trying to put your infant in the ridiculously hard to get into (but still very useful) sling, watch in horror as the Harris Teeter guy comes out and takes ALL the carts back into the store. Of course you don't yell out "Please leave one for me!" because said infant is asleep and you would like for her to stay that way...


















The cute one year old that the teenager did not leave a spot for..


Thankfully, some nice lady sees you and has mercy and asks if you want her cart. She must have children of her own...














Nice lady must have seen how cute the infant was...


With the infant strapped to the front of you, manage to get the 1-year-old out of the carseat (no, I could not have gotten him out first for fear of him scampering across the parking lot) and into the buggy. This itself is an athletic feat. Good thing I'm P90Xing it...


















Jeremy P90Xing it


Get into the grocery store, switch carts (HELLO! The 1-year-old is not going to stay in a regular cart when they have carts with CARS! on the front. Make sure to put child, coupon binder, wallet, and cell phone in cart number 2. Also try (and fail) to sanitize the cart before the 1-year-old gets in and grabs the steering wheel and gets infected with germs that give him the Mad-SARS-Swine-Ebola.

FINALLY get in the grocery store. Grab a cookie and tie a balloon to the cart (Thank God for Harris Teeter). On to the produce section! Customer number 1 proceeds to say "Wow! You have your hands full!". You smile and say "Why, yes I do" and try to escape (We're on a time schedule after all. Eventually one or both is going to start crying). She proceeds to ask how old the baby is, how old the toddler is, and tell you about all her children and how close she had them together. You politely smile and nod and eventually manage to escape to get the 99 cents a pound tomatoes you came for.

Aisle one: Same scenario plays out while you load 5 of the 'buy 2 get 3 free' 12 packs of water into the bottom of your cart. Once again thank goodness for P90X. All those squats are coming in good now. Holding an infant in front of you while loading water is not an easy feat people! While customer number 2 is quizzing you about the ages of your children, you think to yourself "Clearly she sees that I have an infant strapped to me. If roles were reversed I would ask her if she would like help loading all this water!".

We get the same set of questions - or some close variation of them - at least 12 times (no exaggeration) throughout the store. Don't forget the cashier and the bagger asking you. Maybe it's because we have to proceed so slow through the store that people feel sorry for us and want to engage us in conversation because they think we are bored.

Halfway through the store, realize that blowing your diet and eating greasy fried food after eating healthy for a week and half was a bad, bad, bad idea. Run to the bathroom. Contemplate for about half a second (that's all the time you have after all) how in the heck you're going to accomplish this feat. Decide the baby should stay attached to you (ummm, where else would she go?). Jam the cart (which is half full of groceries) halfway into the bathroom door. The car part (with Daniel) of the cart is in the bathroom. The groceries part is outside. Praise God that no one is in the 2-stall bathroom. Leave the door to your stall wide open as you go to the bathroom and sing little hand games so your toddler knows your there. "Finger families up! Finger families down. Dance your finger families alllllll around!". By the time you get finished, you're sure you have an audience, but once again, by some small miracle, no one seems to be around (at a grocery store on a Saturday - what are the chances?). Once again, thank goodness we're at HT and not Food Lion.

Back in the store, Daniel starts crying at least 5 times because he loses his balloon (which is TIED to the cart - can't wait until he figures out he can just pull it back into his little car). Daniel also cries halfway through the store because he wants the bananas we put in our cart in the very first section. When will I learn to go by produce last??? Why does he stop crying, you ask? Well, I bought goldfish to appease him and opened them in the store (horror of all horrors!). Thankfully the cashiers always seem to understand.

Daniel also cries in the check out line because the M&Ms are strategically placed right where he can reach over from his little car and grab a pack. I keep putting them back and (politely once again) suggest to the cashier that they should have a 'no candy' line at HT. I would totally use it..

We make it through the store in one piece and manage to spend only $130 (only $30 over budget). I think this is a pretty doggone good shopping experience. Allie stayed (mostly) asleep in the sling the entire time. This is much better than the last time she screamed for most of the trip.

I hope you had fun on this enjoyable trip to the store (littered with pictures that have absolutely nothing to do with going grocery shopping - sorry!). If you made it this far in the story I hope you're laughing! That's what we do here! Really, it's not all that bad. You should come with me sometime - or maybe not!

PS - if you ever feel like stopping me in the store and asking me how old my children are and how hard it is to have multiple children close together, I really won't mind. Well, except if you're the 11th person. And then you might get a snappy "This is nothing! I left my loud one at home with his Daddy!".














Wow mom! That was tough! Let's do it again next week, OK?