Living Sacrificially

So God has been working on me lately - like never before.

We have found a church that we really enjoy and are super excited about getting involved. Today, something rocked my little world and I knew I had to blog about it.

First, the sermon was phenomenal and the past two sermons (at least, maybe more) have seemed to be preached directly at us. That's what we get for going to a church that's into church planting :) But the sermon wasn't what whacked me upside the head like the skillet on the Golden Corral commercial.

They showed a video at the end of a couple that they had sent out from the church as missionaries. They were interviewing the couple before they left at their home (here, in America). The woman was talking about how their family had been called into the missions field but it took a long time for her to 'give in' and how she had to let go of certain things (her 'stuff', her career, her house, etc.). They both had careers, they had a house, they were comfortable. They had two small children (both looked under 3) in the video. I was thinking, "Wow. That's awesome. That's kind of similar to our story. Change the world! Woohoo! Do some sacrificing. So noble."

Then, something crazy happened. I had no idea it would hit me this hard. Next, you saw the couple - present day - on Skype. A picture comes up on the screen of a woman in a head scarf beside her husband. She didn't even look like the same person.

I felt so small. This woman didn't seem all that different than me. She gave up everything and took her family to another country where they don't know the language at ALL and I can't even think about all the cultural barriers.

I felt so guilty. Apparently when I tell God I'm willing to sacrifice, I mean I'm only willing to sacrifice until it hurts a little - nothing extravagant please. God is asking us to sacrifice small things now. Blinds for the house. A television. Going out to dinner. All to prepare us financially for the day when Doug steps out into full-time ministry. It all seemed so big before, but in that moment, it felt like nothing.

Two weeks ago in service, we were singing a song and I felt God speaking to me unlike anything I've ever felt before (and believe me, I KNOW how crazy that sounds). The words to the song were "Free at last, I surrender all I am, with open hands". It was crazy how loud it was in my head, but here's what I heard: Whatever you think you're going to sacrifice, it will be more. I will require more.

And that is NOT an easy thing to hear. Or repeat. On a blog. Where everyone sees it and thinks you're looney tunes.

But that is where I am. And that is where we are.

And if you didn't think we were serious before - well... you do now.